I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
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you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
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I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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