Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
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She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
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Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize