she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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