I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I am naked and annoyed.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize