He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
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