I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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