I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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