I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize