I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
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but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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