apparently the secret to your success is patron
I need to stop coming to work sober
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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