i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
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As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
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Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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