babies were throwing up all over the place
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
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If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
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if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
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