When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
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He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
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I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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