I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize