Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Randomize