just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize