For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
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Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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