That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize