when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
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