good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
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