sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
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Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
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I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize