there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize