Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
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