My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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