he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize