im six kinds of drunk right now
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
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