"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
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