Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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