not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
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