So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
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