One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
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Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
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I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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