Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
im holly from the hills drunk
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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