We're like a lot better than the average bears
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
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He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize