You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
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Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
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I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
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