What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize