We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
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I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
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I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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