My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
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