Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
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Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
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One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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