and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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