I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
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tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
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I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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