JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
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I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
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I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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