I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize