apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
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She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
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She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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