How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
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I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
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If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
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