there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
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His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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