After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize