i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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