Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
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