Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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