I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize